three months ago
my bed was my prison,
the place where i chained myself
when the world got too harsh
too busy
and too full of adversity
three months later
i'm learning to enjoy the stillness
a break from my mind,
a break from life
my mind is constantly busy —
whether driven by anxiety
or the high-volume of busyness
that i willingly choose to mask out depression
(if i'm being honest)
unlike before,
i'm allowed to work at home
i'm allowed to take the extra half hour to hug my dog
to remember to moisturize
take a hot bath
walk outside
feel the brisk air touch my face
laugh like i never could before
and enjoy the stillness,
a place that was so foreign before
life post-graduation
looks like serenity,
but it feels like
training an animal to go against natural instincts —
i'm learning to be still,
a world my anxious mind has never been before
this week
i'm applying for an editing internship.
this year
i'm writing a book of poetry.
for the rest of my life
i'm working on getting on the right medication for mental health
so my bed doesn't become a prison
for me again
and again
-
see you around. cheers to 2017.
nicole, xx